Sunnydale High School Drama Presents
by Benji The Vampire Confuser
Summary: Snyder forces the Scoobies to participate in the Spring Musical. They may have faced Demons, and Vampires, but nothing has prepared them for THE SUNNYDALE HIGH DRAMA CLUB. Set during the Angelous era of 2nd season.
1. Auditions

**Sunnydale High School Drama Presents**

**Part of the Omniverse Project**

**by Benji The Vampire Confuser**

_I don't own Buffy and Co. or Little Shop of Horrors. Joss owns Buffy, I've no idea about Little Shop. I just know it ain't me. The majority of the people in this story are real. They are drawn from my own, and my sister's (the deranged and talented Casix Thistlebane) theater experiences. For more insight into the world of my sister's high school theater, bug Casix. Or visit ._

* * *

**Part 1: Auditions**

Buffy slammed her head down on the table in the library. Hard. "Ow." she complained.

"Well," Giles said. "Yes, ow is correct. May I assume there's a reason besides insanity for why you did that?"

"Snyder."

"Ah. Yes I see. Anything specific, or just him in general?"

"Remember the talent show last year?"

Giles shuddered. Of course he remembered, he'd nearly had his brain removed. "What about it?"

"Well, Snyder decided that we need to integrate even more. He's making me, Willow and Xander participate in the spring Musical."

"Oh dear." Giles said. Secretly, he was elated that he'd not been forced to direct it. Of course, since the plays already had a director, it would not have made much sense to do so. _Why couldn't Mr. Dean have dealt with the talent show as well?_ Giles thought bitterly.

* * *

"Out of the question." Dean said firmly. "It doesn't work that way."

"Are you questioning my authority?" Snyder snarled.

Dean merely smiled. "Don't think you can intimidate me Snyder." he said, towering over the Principal. "You try and fire me for this, and the papers hear about your little cover-up operation, as well as your attempts to change the grades of the Swim Team.

"Now if you want those kids to audition, then fine, make them. But unless they're good enough, they will not get in."

Snyder fumed. He knew the man was right, he had too much on the cover-up. "All right," he compromised, "If they don't get in, they can do crew right? Unless they have to audition for that as well?"

Dean smiled. "I'll find work for them. I'm glad we were able to come to this agreement" he said.

* * *

Willow walked towards the auditorium, feeling very conspicuous. This was not her turf, she usually hung out in the courtyard during lunch, but this was something she had to do. She didn't want to audition for the musical, but Snyder had spoken. Well if she had to do it, she was damned if she would look stupid doing it. That was why she was going where Slayerettes feared to tread. She'd asked Oz, as he was sort of in with the theater and band crowd, who to go to for help preparing for the audition. She had a week. He hadn't hesitated.

"Joe's the one to see." he'd told her. The president of the Drama Club, star of every single show for all four years at the school. This musical would be his last show. She'd heard much about him to support Oz's opinion. He played three instruments, but no one could agree on which ones. She knew he played the bagpipes. Oz had told her as much. The funeral for Theresa had been held held in Colorado the day after the whole Werewolf incident was over. Oz had gone away for two days to attend. He told her that Joe and Mickey had played a duet. Joe on the bagpipes, Mickey on the Penny Whistle. Willow wondered what Theresa's family had made of the disappearance of her body, after Xander had staked her after the viewing.

The other things she'd heard about Joe were almost like Folk Stories. He was an expert at stage combat, knew every Shakespeare speech by heart, had a voice like a God, and was the best actor ever. Then there was THE LOOK. He turned The Look on anyone who annoyed him. It was said to intimidate even the heartiest of football players. She believed it. She'd found herself on the wrong end of said Look during the talent show. At her comment that acting did not require an actual talent. She hoped he forgot that.

Someone had even joked that he was nine feet tall. She sighed. He probably had an ego to match the stories.

In the hall outside the auditorium, she took a deep breath and grabbed the handle of the nearest door. Only to have it open on her as Mickey burst out, with a Krameresque flair. He had signs tucked under his arm.

"Oh my god!" she gasped, startled.

Mickey stopped short, equally surprised. Mickey was a junior, and the vice president of the Drama Club. He and Joe often played their instruments together for pay at formal occasions, they called themselves The Celts. Their parents had come over to America on the same boat, they'd become friends, and both families had settled in Sunnydale. Mickey's parents were rumored to be members of the IRA on the run.

"Sorry," Mickey apologized. "Willow right?"

"Yeah," Willow said, catching her breath. "That's me. Um-"

"Hey Mick!" someone called from down the hall. Willow turned, and saw Amy coming down the hall.

"Excuse me for a minute." Mickey said to Willow. "What's up Amy?"

"I was wondering if you'd had any luck." she told him.

"No," Mickey said sadly. "I haven't found any spells that will locate Martin. But keep in mind, my library is kinda limited."

"Damn." Amy cursed. "Thanks anyway."

Willow listened interestedly. She knew Amy was a Witch, but she hadn't known that Mickey was one too. She looked closely, and noticed a pendant hanging around his neck. A five pointed star in a circle. She gasped. Without looking at Willow, Mickey said; "It's only Satanic if it's point down." Apparently he'd gotten that reaction often.

Amy left, thinking. _Maybe Mr. Giles has something._

"So anyway," Mickey said, "Did you want something?"

"Uh," Willow said, still thrown off. Her momentum had been destroyed by this interruption. "Is Joe in there?"

"Yep," he told her, "Now, I gotta go hang these audition posters. See ya."

Willow entered the auditorium quickly, before she could change her mind. It was empty. From what she understood, usually it was packed with theater people. The strains of some Garth Brooks song echoed through the room. Following the sound, she found Joe backstage playing piano. That solved the mystery of one more instrument.

"Excuse me," she started.

Letting out a shriek that sounded an awful lot like Grandpa Simpson, Joe fell from the piano bench. "Gaah!" he said, still imitating the cartoon character. "Don't sneak up on an old man!" Then he looked up, grinning. "What can I do for you Willow `Acting doesn't require an actual talent` Rosenberg?"

_Oh god,_ Willow thought.

He must have guessed what she was thinking. "Relax." he said. "I don't hold a grudge. Most of the time. Besides, I'd say your experience at the talent show taught you your lesson."

"Oh," Willow blushed, "Please don't remind me about that."

"We'll see. Now what brings you to my domain?"

Willow couldn't help smiling. He had that effect on people.

"Well, I guess you know that Auditions are in a week-"

"They are?" he gasped in a panicked voice. She figured out that he was kidding. "Wait a minute, let me guess. Snyder's making you, Buffy and Xander audition, and you want my help to prepare."

"How'd you know?"

"Well, Mr. D told me about Snyder. The rest was just deductive reasoning."

"Oh, well, will you help?"

"Eeeeeehhhhhhh...okay."

* * *

"My life is hell." Xander griped. He sat with Cordelia in her car at lookout point.

"Oh for the love of God." Cordelia groaned. "Why is it every time I get you alone, all you want to do is complain?" She sighed. Might as well get it out of the way. "What's wrong this time."

"Snyder's making me audition for the musical."

"Oh my God." Cordelia sympathized. "That sucks. I mean, after the fiasco you made out of the talent show..."

"Oh, so you don't think I could get in?"

"Well, no."

"And I suppose you could."

"Duh." Cordelia snorted. "Look at me. The good looking ones always get the parts."

Xander smiled inwardly. "How much?"

"Excuse me?"

"How much will you bet that you get in and I don't?"

"Oh jeez. I don't-"

"All right, forget money. If I get in and you don't, you have to do crew, and not complain once about getting dirty."

Cordelia paused. Crew? Dirty? Did she have ratty enough clothes that she wouldn't mind wearing? "And if I get in and you don't?"

"Hmmm," Xander said, "I've got to do crew anyway if I don't get in. Why don't you suggest something."

"You have to let me give you a make-over."

"What?"

Cordy grinned evilly. "Not cross dressing you toad. I mean a guy make-over."

Xander blanched. "You mean," he choked, "I have to be...Cool?"

"Hey this was your bet." she defended. "Unless of course, you don't think you'll win."

"You're on." the boy insisted.

"Good. Are we done talking then?"

Smiling, Xander scooted closer. "Yeah, I think so."

* * *

If it wasn't so funny, he'd have been offended. He was used to ridicule, weird looks, even avoidance, but these people were actually jumping back in shock, as if he were on fire or something. It was quite amusing. He was almost relishing his first meeting with the Principal.

Buffy turned from her locker, wondering what could be causing the stir around the corner. Then she saw it. It turned the corner purposefully, grinning. Almost showing off it's fangs. With one quick move she knocked the creature off it's feet, a stake in her hand. The weapon was halfway through it's arc, when several facts penetrated her reflexes. One; it was daylight. Two, although the thing did have fangs, it's face was not demonic. Three, the pale face and black lips and eyes were completely the product of make up.

_Oh, my god,_ Buffy thought, _I almost killed a Goth._

"What the fuck is your problem?" Armand shouted. He struggled to his feet, as the girl backed up hurriedly.

"I'm sorry," she apologized frantically, "I'm sorry I uh,"

Armand noticed the stake in her hand, and panicked look on her face. "You thought I was a Vampire?" he said incredulously. "Jeez, and people think I have problems." Now knowing that she it hadn't been prejudice, but survival reflexes that prompted the attack, Armand automatically forgave her. "You need professional help." he said. Then he snickered as he walked away. "Never thought I'd hear myself say that."

* * *

The day of auditions had arrived. There was a sense of tension all day, those auditioning were as jumpy as Buffy on a bad night. Each had their songs stuck in their head, some had had them stuck in their heads for the entire week preceding the auditions. These people knew that the auditions must release the songs, or they would go insane. Or sane, depending on who you talked to.

Willow, Xander, Cordelia, Buffy and Oz all sat in the lounge, each trying to exude an image of calm. Oz, who was more practiced, and was not auditioning, did fairly well. The others did not.

"What was that?" Buffy jumped up. "Was that the bell?"

"No." Oz said. "That was someone with their nose in a script bumping into one of the metal columns adorning the cafeteria."

Sure enough, they saw a young man, one of those preparing to audition, picked him up off the floor. He looked around a bit, checking to see if anyone had seen him. Realizing that everyone had, he sighed and continued on his way. Paying much more attention to his surroundings this time.

Xander sighed. The day was only half over.

Finally, the last bell rang. The Scooby Gang walked towards the auditorium with trepidation. As well as being nervous about auditioning, there was another thing bothering them.

"Do we have to go in there?" Cordelia asked again. "I mean, I hear these theater people are, well, weird."

"Cordelia," Xander comforted her, "We've dealt with Vampires, Werewolves, Witches, Poltergeists, Demons, Invisible People, and Immortals. Nothing can be weirder than that."

They entered the Auditorium.

Some were sitting, some weren't. There was a girl reading The Biography of Ayn Rand, she had a Beanie Baby on her head. In front of her sat a girl writing feverishly in a green notebook, every now and then she'd look up from her book, look at someone, giggle, and begin writing again. Two people were having a conversation using only the word Spoon.

"Excuse me," an echoey voice said. Cordelia screamed, there was a man wearing a Horse mask next to her. "EQUUS boy, have you seen Equus BOY?"

She shrank away. Oz merely grinned and dropped a can of beef stew into a box by the door. "Canned food drive." he explained to Willow.

A fairly normal looking boy walked by with another fairly normal looking boy. The first looked at the box.

"CUP O' NOODLE!" he shouted in delight, and dove for the box.

The second boy grabbed him, holding him back. "NO! No Brian that's for the poor!"

"But...it's cup o' noodle!"

Xander looked apologetically at Cordy. "Well I've been wrong before."

Oz left the group to set up. He was helping provide accompaniment for those who needed it. The others headed for some empty seats. The camaraderie exhibited by the theater people, though unusual was quite apparent.

"Great," Buffy said, "I feel like an intruder."

"I keep expecting the Warners to run by with Ralph chasing them." Willow smiled. No sooner had the words left her mouth than two boys, and a girl hopped by saying; "Boingy, boingy, boingy!"

Behind them came another boy, with a butterfly net.

Willow stood shocked for a moment, then sank into her seat with a slightly frightened whimper.

"Don't worry," Oz assured her, returning from the pit, "They're exceedingly weird, but they're harmless."

"So long as you don't cross us." muttered the Beanie Baby girl.

Behind them, a young man wearing all black and a black trench coat, slunk in. His long blond hair contrasted with his outfit, but what most called attention to him, was his efforts not to be noticed. He snuck down the aisle towards them, peering suspiciously around him, as if he was being watched. Reaching them, he motioned for them to lean close.

Thinking he had some important information on some dire supernatural threat, Buffy and the others did so. Oz merely smiled.

"Psst," the boy said, "There's something in the water here." he whispered. "It makes everyone normal." He looked around suspiciously again. "Shhhh, they're watching." He then hurried off, continuing with his covert act.

Buffy sighed and patted Willow on the shoulder, comforting her.

In the pit, Joe seemed to be challenging another boy, this one also had long blond hair, but his was curly. Joe would think up a song at random and the boy would try to play it. Then the other boy would do the same to Joe.

The boy who'd restrained Brian from attacking the canned food box was having a contest as well. His seemed to be who could most convincingly run into a wall. His opponent was a black haired boy wearing glasses.

Finally, when it appeared that all who were going to arrive, had arrived, Mr. Dean himself entered. He surveyed the crowd with a grin on his face. They were weird, they were hyper, and they were all damn fine performers. He was actually looking forward to seeing what the newbies could do.

"Mr. Assistant Director!" he called.

Joe popped his head up from the pit. "Yo!"

"Let's get started shall we?"

"Sir Yes Sir!"

Joe picked up two microphones, and switched them on. He loved having to get everyone's attention. He held the microphones together. The reactions to the feedback were pretty much the same, some were just more dramatic than the others.

"Now that I have your attention," Mr. Dean said. "We'll get started. Here's how it's going to work. You'll audition in alphabetical order by your last name. You go up, sing your bit, and sit down. I want absolute silence while someone is auditioning. If you need to talk, do it in the lobby." He glanced at his list.

Michael Abersheim, Andrea Abrams, Talon Beeson, Andy Bredeson, Kathleen Burke, Stefan Berteau, Cordelia Chase, Ben Church, Isabel Church, Brian Connor, Lisa Datovich, Aaron Derby, Kevin Good, Alexander Harris, John Fitz Harris, Mickey Keeler, Steve Luber, Marty Lynch, Joe MacLeod, Vince Maffeo, Steve Mossberg, Dustin Mote, Dan O'Brian, Kamau Ramadan, Sam Richardson, Willow Rosenberg, Miriam Schwedt, Matt Siegal, Armand Smith, Chris Smith, Rick Smith, Buffy Summers, Nicole Travers, Eric Verfourth, Ziggy

The first boy looked more like a football player than an actor. He was huge. Despite that, he had an amazingly soft singing voice. In fact, it was so soft, no one could hear him.

The ones after him had better voices, and looked more normal. Andrea was petite with thick black hair. Talon was of average height with flame red hair and glasses. Andy was of average height with short black hair. Kathleen was of average height as well, but her long red hair, and pretty, freckled face made her stand out. Then came Stefan, an average looking blonde boy. He began to sing Rainbow Connection. At Willow's shudder, Xander and Buffy looked at each other.

"Frog fear." they said simultaneously.

Soon, it was Cordelia's turn. Much too soon for her taste. She'd sat and listened, and secretly despaired. She was hot, she knew, but she also knew that she wasn't the greatest singer in the world. She'd first planned to sing the song she'd sung for the talent show, but decided against it. Instead she chose Madonna's Frozen.

The people sitting in the audience cringed. Several had to be restrained by their fellows from leaping onstage and stopping her, violently in some cases. Madonna was a favorite of some of these people. Fortunately for all, Mr. Dean didn't make them suffer through it long. Cordelia was released quickly. She sat down with a sigh of relief.

_I've got this bet in the bag._ Xander thought.

After Ben, the Kamikaze boy, who sang a decent rendition of Muddy Water from Big River, came Izzy, the girl with Frizzy light brown hair and the green notebook, which she guarded carefully. She sang a Tori Amos song. Brian, the Cup-O-Noodle boy came next with Yesterday by the Beatles.

Then came Lisa, a medium sized brunette, Aaron, who was not little, not blond, and some had argued that he was not even a boy. (no I will not explain that inside joke to you now. You'll just have to e-mail me or Casix and ask. So there.) Kevin was next, a tall brown haired boy.

"Next," Mr. Dean said, "Alexander Harris!"

"Um," Xander said, standing. "It's Xander Harris actually."

"Alrighty," Mr. Dean conceded, making a note, "Let's see what you've got."

"Alright," Cordelia muttered to Buffy, "Five bucks says he sings either Happy Birthday, or a John Denver song."

"You're on." Buffy smiled. "I say he sings Twinkle Twinkle Little Star."

"Hey," Mickey said, leaning back, "Can I get in on this? I say Row Row Row Your Boat."

None of them won. Xander had thought long and hard about his song, and determined to sing something that would definitely show up Cordelia.

Buffy's jaw dropped when Xander began to sing one of Ciaphas' songs from Jesus Christ Superstar.

"He's a bass." Joe noted. "Hmmmm..."

Xander sat back down when he was done, feeling very satisfied with himself. He figured he'd done pretty good.

Willow had a good long wait before she had to go. She realized that what had started out as Auditions, had seemingly transformed into a performance. John Fitz Harris, who went by Fitz, was cheered on when he sang. Willow could easily understand why, the tall boy had an incredible voice. He also seemed slightly inebriated.

Mickey came next with a song from Rent. Glory she thought it was. Next was the other Kamikaze boy, Steve Luber. He sang Sodomy from Hair. He counted the number of people he offended, and smiled. After Steve came Marty Lynch, and then Joe. When the boy started singing, every girl either swooned, or began cheering. The song was If It's Only Love from Metropolis. Oz, having seen the phenomenon before, was prepared. Xander however was quite startled when Cordelia slumped against his shoulder, sighing.

Vince Maffeo _was_ a football player. But seemed to fit in so well, with his friendly manner, and silliness. Steve Mossberg was next. He also played piano, he'd been the boy competing with Joe at the piano. He forewent the accompaniment, choosing instead to accompany himself. He sang Imagine by John Lennon. Dustin Mote came next, he too had the everyman look. Then came Dan O'Brian. The poster boy for decaf. He was the skinniest boy Willow had ever seen. Oz must have noticed her staring at the boy.

"You should see his T-Rex imitation."

Then was Kamau Ramadan. His dark skin and dreadlocks made him look like a Rasta man from the Islands. If it weren't for his glasses anyway. It took a bit for him to get started, he needed Oz's accompaniment. He ended up singing a rousing rendition of The Phantom of the Opera. Willow was assured by Nicole that yes, he was aware that he was singing the female part.

Then came Sam, a British boy. His accent suited the H.M.S. Pinafore song he sang.

Finally, It was Willow's turn. She received encouraging looks from her friends, but her heart was pounding in her chest never the less. She took a deep breath, and met Joe onstage.

"Okay Willow," Joe said, "Just like we rehearsed, okay? You ready?"

"No." Willow said truthfully.

Joe smiled. "Just remember, close your eyes, and pretend there isn't anyone else here. I know you can do it, I've heard you. Take a bit to collect yourself, and then point to me when you're ready. Don't worry about tempo, I'll follow you."

The nervous girl closed her eyes and thought back to the rehearsals. He was right, she could do this. She turned to Joe and nodded. As the music began, she found it easier to relax.

Xander was floored. He'd never heard Willow sing. He wasn't so much surprised that she could, but that she was doing so with several people watching. And she was phenomenal.

The last verse of Memory, from Cats faded. Willow sighed. She was done.

The girl after Willow was Miriam Schwedt. She was a slender, tanned girl who sang I Don't Know How To Love him. Then came Matt Siegal, a tall Jewish boy with glasses. He sang Hava Nagila. Then came, the Goth Boy. Buffy hung her head in embarrassment. She still couldn't believe she'd thought he was a Vampire. Looking at him again, she decided it wasn't so hard to believe after all.

"Okay," Mr. Dean said, "Armand Smith."

Rick and Chris Smith, brothers, looked at the rest of the group. "No relation." they insisted.

"Could I get Oz up here to accompany me?" Armand asked.

"No problem." Oz said, setting up his guitar. If he was disturbed by the appearance of the boy, he didn't let on. It was always hard to tell what he was thinking.

Armand whispered the song he wanted to sing to Oz. Oz nodded, and allowed himself a grin. Most people recognized the song right off. The Virgins were quickly separated from the rest when the ones who knew the song immediately burst into cheers.

"I'm just a sweet Transvestite," Armand sang. "From transsexual, Transylvania!"

There were more winces when Chris Smith sang. But not nearly as many as when Cordelia had. He was a skinny boy with a narrow head. His brother Rick, who went next was basically a bigger version of Chris, with more facial hair.

Then, all too soon, it was time for Buffy to audition.

_Okay,_ Buffy thought. _I can do this. I've fought Vampires, robots, and demons. Singing in front of an audience? No problem._ So fortified against embarrassment, she took the stage. She didn't notice Joe's grin when she told him the song, nor did she hear the gasp from the audience when the music started. But when the first verse of My Heart Will Go On left her mouth, there was no way she could have missed what happened.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The Beanie Baby Girl, Nicole Travers leaped from her seat and ran out of the auditorium.

"Don't worry about her," Joe assured her. "Just keep going."

But despite his reassurances, Buffy's momentum was screwed beyond repair. She fled the stage as quickly as possible.

"Nicole!" Mr. Dean said. "You're next!"

"Alrighty!" she called. Apparently she'd stopped just outside the door. Buffy hid her face in her hands. It had been a joke. Then again, who knew how insane these people were. Maybe it had been sincere. "I'll never underestimate the weirdness of real life again." she promised herself.

Nicole was a petite brunette with powerful lungs. As was evidenced by her singing voice, and the fact that she played oboe.

There were only two people left. Eric Verfourth, the tall scary guy with blond hair, the one who'd warned them about the water. And Ziggy. When Eric left the stage, Ziggy took it. He was of average height, with an everyman look. Ziggy wasn't his real name. But not many knew what his real name was. Even his parents had to start referring to him as Ziggy when they called for him.

Izzy leaned over and whispered. "I just think you should know, he's got a crush on all three of you."

Buffy, Cordy and Willow shrugged. They just wanted to get out of here and kill something.

To be continued...

AN: This chapter contains references to two stories that I have not yet decided whether they're good enough to post. The whole interchange between Amy and Micky refers to the Character Martin Skorse, who was the star of a few of my early Buffy stories. He and Amy hooked up, but he left when she fell for Xander during BBB.

The Immortals comment was a reference to my Highlander crossover.


	2. Callbacks

**Part 2: Callbacks**

Xander strolled bravely into the chorus room, where Oz had assured him Joe could be found. Sure enough, Joe sat at the grand piano playing Eye of the Tiger. Xander cracked a smile when he realized that Ben Church, who was also present, was singing Weird Al's version.

"Yo Joe!" Xander called. Most in the room ignored him. Joe looked up, a little surprised to see Xander there. Without missing a beat, he quit the song he was playing and instead played the theme from G.I. Joe.

Shaking his head in amusement, Xander approached the piano.

"'Sup Der?" Joe asked, still playing.

"I was wondering," Xander started.

"Not a prayer."

"What?"

"It's the day after auditions. I know you're going to ask me to tell you who made callbacks. But I ain't going to. 'Sides, I don't know myself."

"How'd you know?" Xander asked.

"'Cause everybody else already asked him." Ben grinned.

"Oh," Xander said, "That makes sense."

* * *

"God I'm so nervous." Willow confided. "What if I don't make it?"

"I wouldn't worry about it." Giles advised. "I did a bit of theater in my own school days, and I assure you, worrying does no good at all. Besides," he said, "Just because you don't make callbacks does not exclude you entirely from the play."

"I know." Willow agreed. "I mean, my head says not to worry, but my body is all shivery. Which is interesting considering the fact that I didn't want to audition in the first place."

* * *

"Oz," Cordy said, coming up behind the boy.

"Cordelia," Oz greeted, "Hi."

"You got a minute?"

"I got a couple yeah. What's up?"

"Do I suck?"

Oz was taken aback. "Um, I can only assume you don't mean in the literal sense."

"I mean like, my voice. My singing. Does it suck?"

"Do you want an honest answer, a polite answer, or a lie?"

Cordelia hesitated. What did she want? She'd always had a habit of being brutally honest with most people. Was that what she wanted?

"Honest." she finally decided.

Oz too a deep breath. "Yes." he told her. "I'm afraid so. Don't hurt me."

Cordelia said nothing, she merely sighed, and walked away. _Oh well,_ she thought, _At least I've still got my looks._

* * *

Buffy was among the first to see the list.

CALLBACKS FOR LITTLE SHOP:

SEYMOUR: MICKY KEELER, JOE MACLEOD, STEVE LUBER, DUSTIN MOTE, RICK SMITH, STEFAN BERTEAU

AUDREY: ANDREA ABRAHMS, NICOLE TRAVERS, WILLOW ROSENBERG, AARON DERBY

MUSHNIK: JOE MACLEOD, XANDER HARRIS, FITZ HARRIS, MATT SIEGEL, RICK SMITH, SAM RICHARDSON

DENTIST: DAN O'BRIAN, XANDER HARRIS, BRIAN CONNOR, BEN CHURCH, RICK SMITH, CHRIS SMITH

AUDREY 2: BEN CHURCH, XANDER HARRIS, ARMAND SMITH, RICK SMITH, JOSEPH MACLEOD

SOUL GIRLS: WILLOW ROSENBURG, ANDREA ABRAMS, MIRIAM SCHWEDT, NICOLE TRAVERS, ISABEL CHURCH

THE REST OF YOU: DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED, MAKING CALLBACKS HAS NO BEARING ON WHETHER OR NOT YOU GET IN.

Buffy sighed in relief. Despite what the sign said, she was pretty sure she hadn't gotten in. Now all she had to do was crew. That was nothing she couldn't handle. And it would be

easier than cast to skip out on if she had to. Which reminded her, she had to check with Giles to see what dire prophecies were brewing.

* * *

The day arrived at last. The tension was a bit higher than last time, so the silliness was at a minimum. Which was of course, not saying much at all.

Xander and Willow were on their own, as neither Cordelia or Buffy had made callbacks. Xander sighed. At least Willow had Oz there.

Mr. Dean called everyone to order fairly quickly. He seemed to want to get the auditions over.

This time, every one needed to sing a song from the show, one for each character they'd been called back for. After everyone had sung solos, Mr. Dean had the duets planned.

"Okay," he said, "I want everyone who was called back for Audrey, Audrey Two, and Seymour to stay, everyone else is free to go." Once everyone else had left, the auditions resumed.

* * *

After checking in with Giles, Buffy decided to spy on the callbacks. If anyone spotted her, she could just say she was getting a feel for the backstage area.

So caught up in her thoughts was she, that she almost missed the voices coming from one of the dressing rooms.

"I'll, I'll run down to the store and pick up some nice chopped sirloin!"

"Must be blood."

Buffy froze. She didn't recognize either voice, but it was obvious to her what was going on.

"Twoie that's disgusting!"

"Must be fresh!"

"I don't wanna hear this!"

"Feed me."

"Does it have to be human?"

"Feed me."

"Does it have to be mine?"

Kicking the door open, Buffy charged in, stake ready. Only to see Steve Luber and Rick Smith holding scripts and looking quite shocked to see her.

"Um," Steve said, "Can we help you?"

"Not that we mind you in here of course." Rick amended quickly. "Girls have always been welcome in the guys' dressing room."

"Good looking ones anyway." Steve said.

"Uh, no." Buffy said hastily, backing out of the room. "No, thanks."

_God!_ she thought, once she was out of the room. _How paranoid am I?_

* * *

Willow was beside herself with fear. She stood frozen on stage with Joe. She was supposed to sing this song she'd only learned two minutes ago? She gave a small whimper.

"Willow," Joe said, touching her shoulder, "Calm down. It's just like the other auditions. You know the words well enough, and I know you can sing it. Just pretend there's no one out there. Just focus on me, and pretend I'm a guy you've always had a crush on."

"Oh." Willow said. She could do that, now that she thought about it, she could really understand Audrey. They'd both been kicked around by life, and their relationships were hardly perfect. For different reasons of course. So she sang. And when it was over, she was quite proud of herself.

"Okay Xander," Joe said, "It's our turn. Here." He handed the Audrey 2 Puppet to the boy. "This may help you get in the proper mood."

Xander grinned as he slipped the glorified sock over his hand. He moved the puppet around, getting a feel for it. "Hi ho! Kermit the Frog here!" he had the puppet say with a fairly passable Kermit voice. The audience cracked up. Joe smiled. Xander would fit in just fine. Xander had the puppet go for his throat.

To be continued...


	3. Moment of Truth, and Read Through

**Part 3: The Moment of Truth, and Read Through**

Carefully sliding the ceiling panel aside, Joe peered into the hall below. The coast was clear. He nodded at Mickey. Operation: Mission Impossible was going smoothly. Knowing that the slightest noise would alert those who were certainly lying in wait, they had rigged a harness, based on that used in the movie.

Mickey lowered Joe down into the hall, who hung upside down. In one hand he held the finished cast list. In the other, a pushpin. Two more were clenched in his teeth. His downward motion halted. He was in position. He held the list against the wall, and inserted the first pin. He paused, straining with every sense for any sign of detection. Receiving none, he quickly inserted the next two pins and motioned for Mickey to pull him up.

The panel replaced, Mickey and Joe allowed themselves triumphant smiles. They had accomplished what no one else had been able to do. Post the cast list undetected. Mission accomplished. Now, back to Mr. Dean's office.

* * *

"No," Giles corrected Buffy. "Don't watch my hand, watch either my shoulder, or my eyes. Your adversary will most likely telegraph his movements from these points."

"You're starting to scare me with you street fighting knowledge Giles." Buffy told him.

Before Giles could respond, the ceiling gave way. Mickey and Joe fell from the hole created by their weight to the floor. Or, almost. The harness got caught in the pipes in the ceiling, and Joe's ankle was caught, suspending him an inch from the floor. Mickey landed on the table.

"Hi." Joe said brightly. "Mind if we drop in?"

"I've fallen," Mickey groaned. "And I can't get up."

_I suppose it would just freak them out if I said I'd always wanted to do this._ Joe thought.

* * *

LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS CAST LIST

SEYMOUR: JOE MACLEOD UNDERSTUDY: BEN CHURCH

MUSHNIK: SAM RICHARDSON UNDERSTUDY: MATT SIEGAL

AUDREY: ANDREA ABRAHMS UNDERSTUDY: WILLOW ROSENBERG

AUDREY 2: XANDER HARRIS UNDERSTUDY: RICK SMITH

SOUL GIRLS: MIRIAM SCHWEDT, WILLOW ROSENBERG, NICOLE TRAVERS

DENTIST: BEN CHURCH UNDERSTUDY: KAMAU RAMADAN

SKIP SNIP: KAMAU RAMADAN

BERNSTEIN: DUSTIN MOTE

D.J.: TALON BEESON

PATRICK: STEVE MOSSBERG

COMPANY: FITZ HARRIS, RICK SMITH, MICKY KEELER, ANDY BREDESON, DAN O'BRIAN, ERIC VERFOURTH, STEVE LUBER, VINCE MAFFEO, KEVIN GOOD, KATHLEEN BURKE, BRIAN CONNOR

CREW HEAD: MICKY KEELER

CREW: IZZY CHURCH, BUFFY SUMMERS, CORDELIA CHASE, CHRIS SMITH, MATT SIEGAL, MICHAEL ABERSHEIM, ARMAND SMITH, MARTY LYNCH, ZIGGY, AARON DERBY, CHRISTI MONTALVO, JUSTIN MASON, STEFAN BERTEAU

THANK YOU ALL FOR AUDITIONING

* * *

Xander couldn't believe it! Both he and Willow had gotten in! _I guess we're not such losers after all._ he thought. _We do appear to be good at something._

* * *

Armand entered the auditorium for the first crew meeting. He seemed to be the first to arrive. Seemed to be.

"Hey Armand." said a voice to his right. Armand jumped slightly.

"Mickey," he admonished, "Don't sneak up on me like that."

"Sorry," Mickey apologized. "I just wanted to give you something."

Armand was puzzled by Mickey's mysterious air, as if he were trying to be like those informants in the movies. Mickey handed him a thick stack of paper. THE HORROR MOVIE SURVIVAL GUIDE the top sheet said. Armand looked at Mickey incredulously. "Is this some kind of joke?" he asked.

Mickey saw where he was going, and shook his head quickly. "It's nothing about your appearance." he assured him. "There's something you should know about Sunnydale."

* * *

Xander plopped his bag on the seat next to him. He still couldn't believe he was here, at a rehearsal for a play. He shook his head, and spotted something on the floor. Picking it up, he found it was the program for last year's musical.

SUNNYDALE HIGH THEATER PROUDLY PRESENTS:

BIG RIVER

STARRING:

THE RIVER RATS:

MICKY KEELER-GUITAR

JOE MACLEOD-HARMONICA

CHRIS "FIDDLER" SEXTON-FIDDLE

BEN CHURCH-HUCK(AN: okay yeah, I wish)

Xander leafed through it, noting with some sadness that Theresa had been heavily into the theater. He also felt a pang of regret at the last page.

WE'D LIKE TO DEDICATE THIS SHOW TO OUR BELOVED LATE PRINCIPAL BOB FLUTIE. WE'LL MISS YOU BOB.

* * *

"Hey Willow," Joe greeted the girl as she shyly entered the room. "I've been meaning to ask you, where did you get that harpoon for the Culture Dance?"

Willow blushed. "You saw that huh?"

Joe had been there with many of the drama people. He had researched his clan and gotten an authentic tartan and kilt. Mickey had done the same for his family and pre-Christian Ireland, and come up with and outfit that looked a bit like the ones on Roar. He even had a torq for his neck representative of his family. Everyone had been very impressed.

Sam was the first who'd seen Willow. He'd been hanging by the door when she came in. He was dressed as a rabbi.(AN: there really was a guy dressed as a rabbi, and he looked a lot like Sam)

* * *

When they took a break, Joe approached Xander. "Hey Xander, how'd Cordy take being rejected?"

"Surprisingly enough, not that bad." Xander said. "She was disappointed that she had to lose the bet though."

"What bet?"

"If she'd gotten in, I had to let her give me a make over into a cool person."

"So, since you got in, what does she have to do?"

"Crew."

Joe's face paled. "You made her do crew?" he gasped. He looked, frightened.

"Yeah, what's the problem, how much damage can she do?"

"Xander, the crew hates Cordelia!"

Talon, who'd overheard, was quick to point out; "Uh, Joe, most of us hate Cordelia."

"Yeah, but the crew has power tools!"

* * *

Cordelia was late. But it was just as well. It gave Mickey time to prepare.

"All right," he said. "Listen up. Cordelia is going to be on crew."

The crew only had time to grin their evil grins before he went on.

"She happens to be the girlfriend of one of the leads. So, I'm imposing a no bodily harm order upon her."

The grins turned into pouts in most cases, but some, like Izzy and Chris kept grinning. Mickey could tell that Cordy would most likely suffer great harm, or at least great humiliation, in Izzy's next script. And if he knew Chris, and the rest of the crew, and he thought he did, it wouldn't take them long to find the loophole in his statement. He'd only forbidden physical harm. But they were sure to traumatize her greatly. It would be good for her.

To Be Continued...


	4. Rehearsal

**Part 4: Rehearsal**

Buffy sat in the auditorium, in the front row. It was dark. She looked up on the stage and saw Angel, not Angelus, but Angel. He was looking at her so sadly it nearly broke her heart. Sitting in front of Angel, on the edge of the stage, was Mickey. He was playing his pennywhistle, a tune Buffy vaguely recognized from Titanic.

Then she woke up.

* * *

Willow sat in her room, listening to a tape of Little Shop. She found that she could sympathize with Seymour as well. Singing softly along with the tape, she got ready for bed.

* * *

"All right," Xander said. "Now, should I do a voice for the plant? Or should I just use my regular one."

"That's something we'll work out in rehearsal." Joe told him. "But it couldn't hurt to try some out by yourself just to see if any seem appropriate. I'd avoid trying an accent though. 'Cause unless you're really good at it, it just sounds really bad."

"Gotcha." Xander thanked Joe and hung up. Then, he picked up the young Audrey 2 puppet from his bed and began practicing.

* * *

Buffy entered the auditorium early the next afternoon, hoping to find Mickey. She wanted to make sure that Cordy didn't get too much grief. Though, she honestly didn't know why not.

Instead, piano music greeted her as she entered. She didn't recognize the tune, but the mood was quite distinct. Depressed. Buffy walked quietly backstage and found Joe.

He was playing the grand piano, with a picture of Theresa sitting in the place one usually put a music book. Though she couldn't see his face, Buffy could tell by the emotion in the music that Joe missed her terribly. She understood quickly just how deep the boy's feelings had run for her.

Not wishing to disturb him, she went back to the audience. Mickey had come in while she was backstage.

"How much did you see?" he asked her quietly.

"Enough." Buffy said. "He really liked her."

"He loved her." Mickey informed her. "But she never knew. They were friends since Kindergarten."

"That's a familiar story." Buffy said.

Mickey smiled. "Willow and Xander."

"You know?"

"There are very few people who don't." Mickey said. "Xander's feelings for Willow are complicated, and with Oz in the picture, it complicates things even more."

"He never told her?"

Mickey seemed to know instinctively that she was now talking about Joe and Theresa. "Never. He's usually an outgoing guy, but when it comes to girls that he really likes..." he left the sentence unfinished. "He'd made up his mind to damn the Torpedoes and Full Speed ahead," he looked at her uncomprehending face. "To tell her, the night she...they were supposed to meet at the Bronze."

They sat silently for a moment, listening to the music. Now he was playing Foolish Games.

"How long have you known Joe?"

"Literally all my life." Mickey said. "Our parents came over on the same boat and became friends. They moved out here and raised us together. We're like brothers."

At that moment, the rest of the Crew came in, ending the moment. "Well," Mickey said, rising. "Time to get to work."

* * *

"Okay Cordy," Mickey said. "Welcome to your first day of Crew. Where's Buffy? She was just in here."

"Um, I think she went to get nails or something." Actually she'd gone to check in with Giles.

"Okay, I needed to talk to you in private anyway." He began to hand her a bunch of papers stapled together. "The Techie Gospel, The Commandments of Tech, a Glossary of Techie Terms, and a bunch of Actor Jokes. This will help you fit in. Hope it's not too complicated for you. Oh dear. That was my out loud voice."

Cordy was ready with a come back, but realized that he could make her life a living hell. She refrained.

"Now one last thing. You should really be dressed in ratty clothes, I mean, these're gonna get ruined."

"These are my ratty clothes."

* * *

"Do you realize," Mr. Dean said to Joe. "That we'll have practically no theater department here next year?" Over half the Theater people were graduating this year.

"Don't feel bad Mr. D." Joe reassured him. They were heading for the chorus room. "The people you'll have left are really good."

Entering, they found Xander, Andrea, Fitz and Ben dancing a kick line to a recording of Havah Nagila.

"And just think. Next year this place might even seem normal." Mr. Dean said wryly.

* * *

Rehearsal for the cast proceeded smoothly. Ben was the first to memorize his lines as usual. Xander, after toying with several different voices opted to use his normal voice, only deeper. The Ensemble and supporting roles learned their songs and lines well. And the leads' songs were progressing well. The dancing was another matter altogether.

"Xander," Ben said, after he and Xander had been singled out yet again, "Welcome to the dancing school for the rhythm impaired."

They were going over the choreography for the closing number.

"Okay," Mrs. Jerik, the choreographer said. "It's step..."

"Wait a minute." Xander complained. "I'm never on stage! Why do I have to learn the choreography?"

* * *

Cordelia was miserable. Never had she been more unhappy. Not even when her father had not allowed her to get a dress she'd wanted. She also had never been more sorry about her behavior towards other people. Chris Smith and Ziggy were constantly playing pranks on her, Izzy, in addition to writing endless unhappy things about her in her scripts, was Paints head. And took great delight, though she had the grace to hide it, sometimes, in giving Cordy the messy job of painting. She was always the one who had to sweep up.

Despite her miserableness, Cordelia was proud of herself. She hadn't complained once. Except when she got home. Then she cried where no one could see her. She hadn't realized what it really felt like to be the object of scorn, except most recently when her relationship with Xander had been discovered. _My how the tables have turned._ she thought.

"Hey," a kind voice said. It was Xander. "How are you holding up?"

Cordelia valiantly hid her unhappiness. "I'm fine." she said. There was no way she was going to reveal her weakness in front of him. He was her boyfriend, there were rules.

Xander didn't buy it however. "I release you from the no complaining clause of the bet." he told her. "Anytime you need to, I'm here for you."

Cordy smiled slightly. "Thanks."

"Now," Xander said, "Up for some fun tonight?"

"What sort of fun?" she asked warily. "This isn't Slayer type fun is it?"

"Nope," the boy smiled, "I'm thinking, The Bronze."

"Uhhh," she hesitated, "I don't know. Isn't tonight Kareoke night?"

"Well yeah. But from what I hear, Joe's never given a bad performance."

"Joe does karaoke?"

"Yup, him and Fitz. Both good singers. C'mon, it'll at least take your mind off of your hell."

To Be Continued...


	5. Kareoke and Understudies' Glory

**Part 5: Karaoke and Understudy's Glory**

"All right everybody!" Joe called from the stage. "Just a reminder that you can come and take over the mike any time, just be aware that if you suck, you will be removed from it."

He pulled a hat from the stool next to him and held it aloft. "I have in my hand, the hat of requests!" He reached in for the first selection.

"Knowing this crowd," Cordy grumbled, "It'll be some lame show tune."

She was immediately proved wrong as heavy guitar music split the air. Offspring.

At another table, Izzy, Ziggy, Ben and Nicole sat discussing the events of the day. And further back.

"Personally," Ziggy said, glancing in the direction of Xander and Cordelia, "I don't know what he sees in her. Okay," he corrected, "Physically yes, but other than that?"

"Some people can't look beyond that." Nicole said.

Ben thought for a moment. "But from you two have told me," he pointed to Izzy and Ziggy, "And from my own observations, her relationship with Xander has changed her somewhat."

"How so?"

"Well, she just doesn't seem as Evil Incarnate as she used to be."

"That's right." Izzy grinned evilly. "And we're helping her grow up some more." Then she sobered. "She's not as much fun to torture as I thought she'd be."

"Yeah," Ziggy agreed. "It's like she's maturing or something, and we haven't even gotten to laugh at her or tell her off."

Izzy sighed. "Oh well."

Buffy sat nearby with Willow and Oz. She'd overheard the theater kids' conversation. She remembered an encounter with Nicole early last year.

"Did you really attack Cordelia at the Bronze last night?" the girl had asked.

"Well," Buffy stammered, "It was an accident!"

Nicole had shaken her head sadly.

_Great,_ Buffy'd thought. _Now total strangers think I'm nuts!_

"I'd have finished the job." she'd heard Nicole mutter as she stalked away. Buffy wasn't sure whether or not to feel better.

"Are we breaking a rule?" Willow asked.

"How so?" Oz looked at her quizzically.

"Well, I mean, crew, cast and band hanging out together? Isn't that against the rules?"

"Nope." Buffy reassured her. "Mickey said it's okay since we're not on theater time. It's more good natured ribbing than any sort of clique thing."

"Oh!" Nicole cried, suddenly remembering something. She dug into her backpack which she'd conveniently brought along. "Ben I'm finished with that comic you lent me. She handed him an issue of Johnny: The Homicidal Maniac.(AN: shameless and pointless plug)

In the back, shrouded by darkness, a sinister figure lurked. _What's Buffy doing hanging out with this crowd?_ Angelus thought. Being a regular visitor to the Bronze, he'd gotten to know who came what days. The only people who came to Karaoke night were the theater geeks. This would bear some investigating. In the meantime, he stood, enjoying the music. He'd never known Joe to give a bad performance. It was weird, his enjoyment of the boy's singing had been the only thing he'd retained when he'd lost his soul again. He smiled. A number of the requests in the hat were his. He liked Oldies.

* * *

"Oh god." Willow fretted. "Oh god." She paced back and forth across the floor of the Green Room, more nervous than she had ever been. Today was the Understudy Rehearsal. She and Ben had been the first to arrive.

Ben, in contrast to the frantic girl, was sitting calmly, alternating his time between reading a Sci-Fi book, and watching Willow wear a rut in the floor.

"How can you be so calm?" Willow asked him finally.

"Well," Ben said, "For one thing, I've done this before. I've been in the theater for four years, and you're just starting out. I've also been an Understudy many times."

"How did you deal with it the first time?"

"That's the weird thing." Ben said. "I expected it to like, paralyze me, but it didn't. I just sort of used the energy it gave me." He set his book down. "The thing to remember is, this is just a rehearsal. Half the understudies are going to be on book anyway. So, since you're off book, you'll look good anyway."

Willow smiled. "But what if something happens to Andrea?" she worried.

Ben hastily knocked on the wood of the piano. "Don't worry." he grinned. "By being prepared for such an event, you've pretty well made sure it won't happen."

Willow smiled at this, her nervousness abated somewhat. Ben silently congratulated himself. "C'mon." he said, heading for the stage. "Let's knock 'em dead."

* * *

Ben winced as he hit a wrong note. Then he winced again as a loud buzzer sounded. "Whose bright idea was the Suck Button anyway?"

In the booth, Christi and Justin laughed.

Fortunately, it was one of the few mistakes that had been made. That wasn't saying a whole lot however, for the rehearsal had just started, and they were still on Skid Row.

Once the song ended, the rehearsal proceeded as expected. For the most part.

* * *

"Oh crap." Cordelia swore.

"What's wrong?" Mickey asked, thinking maybe the other crew members had pulled another prank.

"I can't get this old set piece apart. The screw's stripped."

"Cordy can't screw?" Ziggy asked.

"Those jokes are really old now!" Cordy growled.

"Here." Mickey handed her a hammer.

"Oh thanks!" she smiled. "This should work just fine. I don't suppose you could hold Ziggy down too?"

Mickey grinned. She was really starting to go native. She set to work hammering the old set piece apart.

* * *

"This is gonna be a piece of cake." Buffy smiled. She'd been given the duty of hammering nails. And then left on her own. Starting the first nail a little, she then hit it with all her strength. The nail went right through the wood, and then through the floor.

_Whoops,_ Buffy thought. _Better pull my punches a little here._

* * *

"But won't it hurt?" Ben asked plaintively.

"Only until you pass out." Kamau grinned sadistically.

"Hold it!" Dean called from the audience. "Take it back a bit!"

Ben shrugged and started again from a few lines before.

"Hey," he said, "That thing's rusty!"

"Well it's an antique." Kamau explained. "They don't make 'em like this any more. Sturdy, reliable, dull."

That's when the hammering started.

"DON'T I GET ANY NOVOCAIN OR SOMETHING?" Ben shouted over the din, in the process his voice lost most of it's emotion.

"WHY?" Kamau shouted as well. The hammering stopped. But it was too late. Kamau and Ben had been set off. Silliness entered the picture.

"IT'S GONNA HURT!" Ben shouted, grinning. He deliberately had no emotion at all in his voice.

"ONLY UNTIL YOU PASS OUT!" Kamau shouted back, following suit.

"Woah!" Dean yelled, stopping them before they could continue. "Save it for the F-Up rehearsal!"

To be continued...


	6. The Attack

**Part 6: The Attack**

"Great." Joe muttered. "Our first late night rehearsal, and we're missing one Soul Girl, Audrey II and two crew people." He sighed. "What did you say they were doing Mickey?"

"Something about an emergency meeting of the crime club." Mickey told him. "Actor."

"Right, whatever. Okay understudies, guess you're up. Mickey, guess you'd better get the crew going on that set. You're a bit behind schedule. Techie."

"Yes sir Mr. Assistant Director Sir. Actor."

* * *

"Explain this to me again." Spike grumbled. "We're attacking a bunch of Theater Nerds why?"

"Because Roller Derby Queen," Angel said. "Buffy and her friends are bonding with them. When they get back from the wild goose chase we sent them on, and find all their new friends slaughtered..."

"It'll ever so dramatic." Drusilla grinned. "Let's go."

* * *

Marty sat in the light booth, napping. Joe had called a short break before they rehearsed the curtain calls. "Thank God this rehearsal's almost over." It was almost nine.

"Now remember," a British accented voice behind him said, "If anybody says `It's curtains` I'll personally stake them."

Marty sat bolt upright in his seat. Spinning in his chair, (it was the kind that turned, obviously) he saw a paraplegic Vampire, and two more. Marty knew he probably didn't have much time. He dove for the console, hitting the button next to the suck button. The red one that Mickey had installed in case of just such an occurrence.

* * *

Joe leaped from his seat backstage where he'd been enjoying his break. The alarm had been sounded. There could be no mistaking the "Red Alert" noise from Star Trek overlaid with "Danger Will Robinson! Danger!"

"This is it!" he shouted.

* * *

**The Following is Written in Script Form because I can.**

**Author's note: Music played during the scripted sequence: lots of horror and suspense music, with bits of Super Mario Bros., Seinfeld, Benny Hill, and other recognizable if usually inappropriate stuff mixed in.**

Vamps charge the stage. There is absolute chaos of people, cast and crew scrambling to escape.

Ben (and others): Run Away! Run Away!

Short Montage of scenes: Mickey and the Crew remove Vamp Fighting weapons from clever hiding places.

Another Montage of Scenes: Mickey and Crew using said weapons.

Chris dives for the prop table but slips. A Vamp lunges for him, but, Ziggy, thinking fast, dumps a trash can of Sawdust in front of it.

The Vamp slips, and Chris slides on the dust under the Vamp's legs, and climbs it's back, jumping onto the table. Chris grabs a seltzer bottle.

Chris: (Curly (Three Stooges) noise)

Chris sprays the Vampire with the holy water contained in the bottle.

Chris: Cool, I just did a stunt.

More Vamps attack, switch to Quake or Doomlike viewpoint, as Chris sprays Vamps and runs along hallways.

Dissolve to view of actual Quake game. Soldier gets blasted.

Pull back to reveal a Vamp and Justin Mason playing quake against each other, computers are facing each other.

Vamp: Dammit! Got me again!

Cut to: Aaron Derby cornered by a huge vamp.

Aaron: Hi.

Vamp disintegrates.

A Vamp stalks the hallways. Before him, he sees several crew members set up what looks like a long white plastic pipe.

Vamp: Oh my, a buffet!

Michael: Fire in the hole!

There is a muffled explosion as the pipe is fired. A potato erupts from it, striking the Vamp in the stomach.

Ziggy and Andy sit perched on the catwalks, each holding a prop sword in one hand, and a rope in the other. They nod at each other and swing off towards the stage.

Andy: Spooooooon!

Ziggy: (camel noise)

They neatly take out two vamps. Ziggy falls from the rope and slides along the stage, hitting the wall. Andy lands gracefully and strikes a heroic pose.

Izzy and Nicole sit in a balcony (that has conveniently and miraculously appeared).

Izzy: Ziggy was doing okay till he fell onto the stage.

Nicole: Wrong, he was doing okay till he approached the stage!

Both: (Statler and Waldorf type laughter)

Angel and Drusilla jump out of a dark corner in front of Steve Luber and Ben.

Ben: Zoinks!

Ben and Steve run in place for a moment then take off. Bad 70's music starts as Angel and Drusilla chase after them. They enter a hallway with lots of doors, resulting in a Scooby Doo chase scene. In the middle of this scene, Armand runs down the hall chased by two Vamps in business suits.

Vamps: CONFORM! CONFORM!

Armand: Nooooo!

Rick stands calmly in the lobby drinking a slurpy. He's wearing shades with Bugs Bunny Ears attached. The Vamps take one look at him and shrug.

Vamp 1: I ain't bitin' him.

Vamp 2: Me neither.

They leave him alone.

Stefan is in the isles, he is dressed like a concessions guy. Suddenly there is an audience. Mostly Vamps, watching the action on stage.

Stefan: Popcorn! Programs! Blood!

Random Vamp: Hey I'll have a blood!

Stefan tosses a red can off screen.

Brian Connor dances to the music playing on the soundtrack. His dance style is much like Xander's. Two Vampires stop short upon seeing him.

Vamp 1: Is that, that Xander kid?

Vamp 2: I don't know. Where's that music coming from?

Cut To:

Fitz is blind sided by a huge vamp, and he is soon pinned to the floor by three others.

Announcer: Is this curtains for Fitz? How will he escape?

Fitz: Must...reach...pocket!

With great effort, Fitz reaches into his pocket and pulls a flask out.

He unscrews the top with his teeth, as his other hand is busy warding off Vampire bites. He drinks from it.

Popeye music plays as Fitz throws his attackers off, and single handedly takes out all four.

Fitz then holds the flask up to camera and smiles.

Announcer: When in doubt, choose Booze.

Pan Camera to right, revealing the announcer, who is actually Dustin.

Cut To:

Steve Mossberg, Joe, Mickey and Talon are ambushed by Vamps. Soundtrack begins playing Auntie Grazelda (note: As you may or may not know, this is the song that is always playing during the Monkees' chase scenes).

Begin a chase montage. Three times during which, cut to scene of all four in Monkees' clothes (picture the usual monkees' background) and singing the aforementioned song. Just like the Monkees', some of them are only pretending to play the instruments.

At the last time, have Angel and Drusilla burst into the scene. The cheesy 70's backdrop vanishes and the four students drop their respective instruments and flee.

Two vamps take a break from terrorizing. One sets a glass of blood on a set piece.

Vamp1: Who would have thought a bunch of theater geeks would be so hard to kill?

There is a dull thud.

Vamp2: Wait, did you feel that?

Close up of the glass. On the next thump, the blood ripples.

From off camera a very good imitation of the T-Rex from Jurassic Park can be heard. Vamps panic and run.

After they're gone, Dan O'Brian comes into sight, walking like the T-Rex. He does the roar again.

In the audience, Spike sits with Sam Richardson at tea. Or blood in Spike's case.

Sam: Look at them all, running around like savages.

Spike: I know. Sad really. I mean Angel I'm not really surprised is so excitable. But Dru's English. More tea?

Sam: No, thank you.

Spike: Shall we get to it then?

Sam: Yes all right.

Spike: Now then, where were we?

Sam: I believe it was, Ahhhhh!

Spike chases Sam off.

A Vamp backs into the theater, hissing as if he were being warded off.

As he comes into the theater we see that he is. By a Star of David held by Matt.

Eric, Kevin, Kamau, and a random extra are standing calmly in the lobby. A Vampire walks up and attacks the random extra.

Kamau: Oh my God! He's killing Kenny!

Eric: You bastard!

Kevin: Oh, he's not dead. He's-

Off Screen Voice: All right! That's it! Stop it, it's gone much too silly!

The Col. from Monty Python steps into veiw.

Col.: Right! We wish to apologize for that last bit. Now, cut to the next little...bit.

Andrea and-

Col: Wait for it!...Cue!

Andrea and Miriam stand their ground as four Vamps approach.

Andrea: Now?

Miriam: Wait...now! Belt!

Miriam and Andrea: !

All the Vamps are knocked off their feet.

Vince stands all tough and Football Quarterbacky (it's a word now).

Dru: Is that supposed to frighten me? (she giggles) The stars are screaming. Don't they sound pretty? (she approaches Vince in full Vampiric glory.)

Vince: (Jerry Lewis imitation) Hey Lady!

Dru screams and runs away.

Announcer: (this time it's Marty Lynch) Finally, after a fierce battle in which no one really died, the cast and crew were rounded up and captured. And now a word from our sponsor.

(Commercial Break)

I Wake up in the morning and I think, I'm bald.

(Commercials end)

The cast and crew are tied up on the stage. Spike is no where to be seen, but Angel and Dru, the only remaining Vamps (no, Spike ain't dead) stand triumphantly before their captives.

Angel: Well, you put up a good fight. I hope you feel good about that as me and Dru drain you dry. But first, are there any final thoughts?

Ben: Oemaway, owemaway, owemaway, owemaway...

Fitz joins in on the higher part as Joe begins to sing.

Joe: In the jungle, the mighty Jungle, the lion sleeps tonight!

The others join in as the song progresses, including Angel and Dru. As the song reaches the third verse, all the cast and crew get up, shedding their bonds and conga line off stage. The music continues however as Angel and Dru dance the Cha-Cha, and Spike wheels on (think Dr. Scott in Rocky Horror)

Music scratches to a stop as Angel realizes what just happened.

Angel: Wait a minute! (he runs off)

Dru: That was fun. The souls of the dead joined in! (she follows Angel)

Spike: At least no one noticed I was wearing fishnets.

Off Stage Voice: Ha ha!

Spike grabs Mickey from behind.

Spike: I'm gonna eat at least one of you little freaks.

Mickey: Weren't you supposed to be in a wheel chair?

Spike: (who by the way is walking) Oh yeah, well, this will be our little secret eh?

Mickey grabs the Pentacle around his neck and presses it against Spike's head. Spike screams and smokes. Mickey gets away.

Dru cuts off Joe's retreat.

Dru: You sing divinely. Won't you sing for me?

Joe gives her THE LOOK. She cringes away. He escapes.

Angel finds himself between Ziggy and Aaron.

Ziggy: Uh, hi.

Angel blinks, his soul returned.

Angel: What, what am I doing here?

Aaron: Ziggy that was amazing!

Angel blinks, his soul taken away.

Angel: Hey! How'd you do that?

Ziggy: I don't know, It just happens.

Angel blinks, his soul returned.

Angel: What's going on?

Aaron: This could get weird.

Angel blinks, his soul taken away.

Angel: Now stop that!

This continues for several minutes till Angel (without his soul) screams and escapes.

Fade to Black.

Fade back into the girls dressing room:

Lisa, Kathleen and Christie lie sprawled on the floor. Dead?

Christie: Can we stop playing dead yet?

Kathleen: Yeah, are they gone yet?

Lisa: Shhh! They'll hear you!

Fade to Black.

End Scripted section.

* * *

Ben put down the script giggling. "Izzy this is hilarious!"

"I thought so." Izzy said. "It was hard to think of things for everyone to do. I ended up leaving out some usual plot threads."

"That's all right, I don't know how Nicole taking over the world would have fit in there."

"Well anyway it's a lot cooler than what did happen."

"What did happen?" Mr. Dean asked.

"The Vamps took one look at how weird we were, the spooky girl said we were all nuts, and they left." Ben answered.

To Be Continued...

_Disclaimer by Casix Thistlebane: Hi, this is Izzy here. That's right, the deranged script writer. What do you mean "who?"? The script writer! I've been in there several times! Sigh. Anyway, I'd just like to clue you, our beloved audience, in on a few facts about my scripts: first of all, they are almost always like this one. Secondly, on the topic of Ziggy, whenever he has a line in my script, someone comes back to life (or in this case gets their soul back.) As for Aaron, whenever he talks, someone dies. Hey, it's my world, I can do what I want._


	7. Joke Rehearsal

**Chapter 7: Joke Rehearsal**

"Okay," Mr. Dean cautioned. "I know you guys must have planned some wacky jokes tonight, but please. No bad ones. This is supposed to be funny."

Joe stood in the background and sighed quietly. There was no way to know what people would find funny till you did it. And with this group, you never knew what to expect. That was all right, he had some wackiness in store as well.

* * *

Dustin stood in the wings, the mike held ready. He and Ben had competed for this part, but Dustin had won it. Rightly Ben insisted. He smiled. He loved Joke rehearsals. The music reached his cue.

"A Long Time ago, in a galaxy far far away," he said. "The Human Race encountered a deadly threat to it's very existence. This Purple Dinosaur, just before he was stopped, launched a final desperate attack. And this terrifying new enemy surfaced as such enemies often do, in the seemingly most Innocent and unlikely of places..."

Mr. Dean smiled slightly at Dustin's joke. But he couldn't help but laugh when Chris Smith, Kamau, and Armand emerged on stage, in drag and performed Little Shop of Horrors. The fun didn't stop there though. Instead of the Soul Girls hanging around Mushnik's shop, Steve Mossberg and Vince Maffeo were there. Dressed as Jay and Silent Bob.

Mushnik: Hey! You punks stop dealing around my store!

Jay: Hey chill pop, it's the most business this dump's ever gonna see!

Silent Bob: (holds his hands up in a gesture of "Chill, we'll leave")

Jay: C'mon Silent Bob, this Cocksmoker's gonna scare away our customers.

As Jay and Silent Bob exit, the Soul Girls enter, buy some pot from them, and continue with their scene with Mushnik, leading into Skid Row.

"Alarm goes off at seven, and you start up town!" Nicole sang. She was proud of Willow. When they'd first arranged the joke, they weren't sure how Willow would react. But she'd even managed not to burst out laughing when they did it. Now they were about to go along with her joke.

"And you put in your eight hours, for the powers, that have always been," Miriam sang.

"Till it's five p.m." Willow sang. "Then you forget all your troubles,"

"Forget all your cares," the others joined in. "And go Downtown..."

Everyone cracked up, but managed to join in on their cues to sing the song with them. Those who knew the song. The others just did their stage business. The crew joining in, doing a "Jet's" walk, (you know, in West Side Story) across the stage.

"I love joke rehearsals." Mr. Dean sighed.

When Joe came out with his broom, to sweep the stoop, he received a surprise. Other crewmembers, including Cordelia, leapt out of the alley, really backstage, and mugged him, stealing his broom and running off. He managed to not break character, and jumped in on his cue to sing.

Cordelia smiled to herself when she heard the laughter that the mugging had engendered. It had been her idea. What had surprised her more than her coming up with such a silly joke, was that the crew had gone along with it. It seemed they'd accepted her finally. She'd never realized how cliquish geeks could be.

* * *

Oz sat waiting for his cue, he smiled inwardly when he got it. Instead of the scene change music, he played the Seinfeld theme on his guitar. He only wished he'd thought of a joke for today.

When the lights came up, Seymour stood arranging some plants, while Mickey leaned against the counter in white t-shirt, and blue baseball cap turned backwards. He was reading a paper.

"Hey," Mickey said, "Listen to this Seymour, Garfield kicks Odie-"

Sam entered quickly, slamming the door shut and peered anxiously out the window.

"What's wrong Mr. Mushnik?" Joe asked. He wondered what Sam was up to.

"Never mind that Seymour!" Sam cried. "Just get back to work ya tosser!"

Joe swallowed his laughter at the bad Irish accent.

"Yes Mr. Mushnik." He headed for the exit to backstage.

"And you!" Sam cried, pointing to Mickey. "Stop hanging around here and get back to that Mushugena Video Store of yours! Bollicks!"

"Yeah whatever." Mickey said, folding up his paper. "See you around Seymour."

"Bye Randall."

In the middle of his monologue, Sam, as one of his gripes said; "And to top it all off, I've got some nut chasing me all over town yelling beware the Ides of March, you're gonna get eaten by a giant plant! Oy!"

Buffy snickered as she handed the prop to Joe. Joe looked at what Xander replaced the plant with and shrugged. He couldn't say he was surprised that Xander had gotten his hands on a Kermit puppet.

"Where did you get it Seymour?" Sam asked.

"Well," Joe said, as the music started. "I was walking in the wholesale flower district one day,"

"Da doo,"

"And I passed by this guy who looked insane,"

"Freaky, da doo,"

"And he said in this scary voice,"

"Yikes da doo,"

"What is your pleasure sir?"

"Da da da da da doo,"

"He handed me this strange puzzle box,"

"Hell da doo,"

"And I just sort of started fiddling with it."

"Wrong thing to do."

"When suddenly, and without warning, the box just opened by itself. It got very dark, and when the light came back this strange plant was just sitting there!"

"Oopsie do."

"Just stuck in among the zinias."

The rest of the song continued as normal.

* * *

Xander lounged in the counter. (that's right, IN the counter) He waited as the scene progressed, patiently (not) waiting for his cue. He barely contained his laughter when Joe began to sing. He was doing an Elvis imitation.

Ben strutted on stage in the leather jacket that someone had procured for him. It had taken him a bit to work through to the character. He knew the main reason he'd gotten it was because he was a senior, but he knew he'd proven himself since then the best man for the job. As long as he didn't watch the tape at the cast party, he'd be fine.

He recited his lines with only a bit of an Elvis imitation, it had been suggested by Mr. Dean to create the right sneer. Then he pulled out the mini-gas thingie that fit in his jacket pocket. He inhaled.

"Wha hoy!" he shouted, his voice going up a few notches. "Oh nice gasses with the breathing nice ladies!"

* * *

Nicole tapped Xander on the shoulder. He looked at her quizzically. He was back in the wings until they brought the counter back in.

"I got an idea." she whispered.

* * *

"Twoie, I'm gettin' a little hungry, I'm gonna go down to Shmendrick's and get a bite to eat. I'll see you later."

"Feed me." a female voice said. Joe turned, the surprise of hearing Nicole instead of Xander helping greatly his astoundment at hearing the plant talk.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Feed me."

Joe pulled a prescription bottle from his pocket. "I knew there were gonna be side effects." he said, looking at said bottle.

"Feed me."

"I'll run down to the corner and get you some nice chopped sirloin." he offered.

"Must be blood."

"Twoie that's disgusting!"

"Must be fresh."

"I don't want to hear this."

"Feed me."

"Does it have to be human?"

"Feed me."

"Does it have to be mine?"

"Feed me."

"Where am I supposed to get it?" It was weird singing this song with Nicole doing the voice. But Joe prided himself on being adaptable.

"Feed me Seymour," Nicole sung on. "Feed me all night long!"

"I've never been able to go more than 45 minutes!" Joe protested, earning much laughter.

"'Cause if you feed me Seymour," Nicole's voice betrayed suppressed laughter. "I can grow up big and strong."

"You eat blood Audrey Two, let's face it, how am I supposed to go on feeding you? Kill people?"

"I'll make it worth your while." Nicole said in a sexy voice.

"Look, you're a plant, an inanimate object-"

"Does this look inanimate to you bitch! Besides, so's your blow up doll!"

"How'd you know about that!"

"Never mind that now! If I can talk, and I can move, who's to say I can't do anything I want?"

"Like what?"

"Like deliver pal. Like see you get everything your secret breezy heart desires. Would you like to make more money? Sure, we all do! I'm the plant who can make it come true! You'll get it."

"I don't know anybody who deserves to get chopped up and fed to a hungry plant!"

"Awwww, sure you do."

"Hey Lady!"

Joe looked off in the direction of Ben's voice. "Yeah," he said. "I guess maybe I do."

* * *

Ben wasn't surprised at the fact that Joe was wearing a Hockey Mask for this scene, he'd heard Buffy suggest it to him. He smiled and played off it, pretending that the hockey mask was just another precaution that Seymour was taking against whatever Orin was planning to do.

* * *

Buffy held the fishing line in her hand, giving Joe plenty of slack. She didn't know who's idea this had been, but she thought it was pretty funny. As Suddenly Seymour progressed, she began to pull the line taut. Finally, Andrea belted. Perfectly timed, Buffy yanked the string. From the audience, it appeared that when Andrea had belted, it'd blown Seymour's cap off.

* * *

Sam had donned the Trenchcoat Steve had lent him, and a fedora from the Costume "Vault".

"Sho Sheymour," he began, doing a fairly passable Sam Spayd imitation.

* * *

Sam joined Ben backstage. "It's a bit cramped in that plant." he told him. "Be glad all you had to do was asphyxiate."

"And that boys and girls," Ben smiled. "Is the word for the day."

"Psst," Buffy whispered. "Ben, you still want me to do that makeup?"

"Yeah, you ready?"

"Yeah, come on."

"Where are those horns?" Nicole fretted.

Mickey burst in with a bag from the Party Store. "Got 'em!" he whispered. "Sorry I took so long." He didn't offer an excuse. He merely passed out the plastic Devil Horns to Miriam, Nicole and Willow. They strutted on stage, it had taken much doing getting Willow to strut, singing The Meek Shall Inherit.

Mr. Dean started at the sight of the Soul Girls wearing horns during The Meek, he smiled. "I like it." he muttered. "In fact, I like it a lot."

* * *

Buffy was just putting the finishing touches on Ben's makeup when Christi rushed backstage to find him.

"Ben! Hurry!"

"Oh shit!" Ben cried, did I miss my cue?"

"No we just need your help, you know the music from Friday the 13th right?"

"Yeah why?"

"Here. I hear you do it the best." she handed him a microphone.

"Where'd you guys find a cord this long?" he asked.

Christi didn't answer, she was listening on her headset. "Okay, now."

Oz snickered when Ben's voice integrated itself into the scene. He did it so quietly that it really seemed to blend in with the music. The plant luring Audrey into the store really fit with the Friday the 13th suspense music.

* * *

Joe cradled Andrea, as she sang the last of Somewhere That's Green. They'd already worked it out before hand, so he wasn't surprised.

"Oh don't you see, finally I'll be, part of your world!"

The audience erupted in laughter. There had been many references to how much Somewhere That's Green and the song from The Little Mermaid resembled each other during the run of the show.

* * *

Joe grabbed a baseball bat and began beating the huge puppet.

"That's right you bastard! You like that? Huh? You want some more?"

"Ooh!" Xander mocked. "Rodney King! Foolish human! I am Mighty!"

"Good Tick." Ben complimented him.

* * *

Finally, it was time for the last number. Ben came out when he was supposed to, as did Sam. Sam had the usual makeup, pale with dark circles around his eyes, as Mushnik was dead. Ben had been made up like the Crow.

"The terror continues in Little Shop of Horrors Two!" Dustin announced over the speaker. "Kurt Russel and Arnold Schwarzenegger head an all star cast! Starts Friday!"

* * *

"That was fun!" Willow said.

"Yeah it was." Ben agreed. "We've had better though. You should have seen the joke rehearsal for How To Succeed."

To be continued...


	8. Opening Night

**Chapter 8: Opening Night**

Ben and Izzy arrived first, much to their own surprise. They usually arrived after someone. Ben shrugged and went strait to the piano. Izzy went off to check the props. Ben sat for a moment, looking blankly at the keys. Then, picking a song, he began to play.

* * *

"Are you coming tonight?" Willow asked, putting the last book away.

"Of course." Giles smiled. "I wouldn't miss this for the world. Your part is what again?"

"I'm one of three girls who are sort of like, narrators." the girl told him. She glanced at her watch. "Ooh! I'd better go! See you tonight!" Without another word, she ran from the Library.

* * *

Snyder sat in his office, glowering at nothing. Tonight was the opening night of the play. Mr. Dean hadn't reported anything unusual during the run of rehearsals, but he was certain that somehow Summers and her gang would screw it up. And he intended to be there when they did.

* * *

"Good luck tonight Buffy." Mrs. Summers said from the doorway of her daughter's room. "Or is it Break a Leg?"

"I'm crew," Buffy reasoned. "Not cast, so I forgot to ask what the appropriate one is. Probably something like break an actor's leg. I'm still new to all these theater superstitions."

"Well either way, I'm looking forward to seeing it. I think it's wonderful that you're getting involved in extra-curricular activities."

* * *

Willow sat in the front row of the audience listening to Ben playing the piano. He'd gone through several different movie and TV themes while she'd been listening. He wasn't bad, he played simply, but he figured out every song he played by ear.

"Do you play?" he asked. He stood from the piano, apparently having exhausted his repertoire.

"Oh no," Willow insisted, "Well, some, but not when people listen."

"Yeah," Ben sympathized, "I didn't used to play when people listen either. Actually, I still don't. Unless the person listening isn't the kind to ridicule me."

"Well you kind of got me pegged in that department." Willow laughed.

* * *

"Where are my shoes?"

"Who needs base?"

"Has anyone seen my Wildroot Cream Oil?"

"Someone gave me the wrong socks!"

"Nicole can I borrow your hair gel?"

"Joe don't panic but Ben and Chris got Xander to write his name on the floor in cursive with Lysol!"

"Girl coming in!"

"Fnord!"

"Ten minutes to Green Room!"

"My parents are coming so don't screw it up for me!"

"Don't forget to check your props!"

"Iggyboo!"

* * *

Joe began to stomp and clap his hands. The regulars would know what it meant and get the newbies on stage. As more people came on, he sped up the rhythm, while Mickey and Kamau each started a new beat so by the time everyone was there, they had a Stomp-like thing going.

"Row Row Row your boat,

Gently down the stream!

Ha ha fooled you!

I'm a submarine!" Joe sang.

"Announcements, announcements, annouuuuncements!" the rest chimed in.

"Okay folks," Mr. Dean said first. "I just want to congratulate you all on a job well done. I know your gonna give a great performance. Just keep the energy up, and don't fall into the pit, Chris."

"One time!" Chris protested over the laughs. "It happened one time!"

"When was that?" Xander asked Steve Mossberg, who was standing next to him in the circle.

"His freshman year." Steve told him. "It was during Once Upon a Mattress."

Mickey had the next and last announcement. "Okay, cast, stay out of the crew's way during scene changes, we don't want a repeat of the unfortunate Wizard of Oz incident."

"Um," Buffy raised her hand, "How about a little exposition for us who just tuned in?"

"Oh," Mickey said, "We kind of, ran over Dorothy with the Wizard's throne, and the Wizard got kinda, pinned to the floor by a fly."

"Oh."

_I don't know,_ Ben thought, _I did crew that year. I thought it was kinda cool._

"And," Mickey went on, "We'd like to call everyone's attention to our newest crew members, Buffy Summers, and Cordelia Chase. Mostly to Cordelia. Cordy, you weathered the storm of the crew's revenge for many years of, well I won't rub it in. But I'm proud of you. The crew, who shall remain forever nameless since ours is a thankless job, would like to welcome both of you to the world of Tech. You don't get anything, but we welcome you anyway."

"Okay," Joe said. "Is that it for the announcements? Good. Because," he went into the middle of the circle holding a list above his head, "I hold in my hand, strait from the home office in Sunnydale California, tonight's Top Ten List! I present, the Top Ten Alternate Titles for Little Shop of Horrors!"

#10: Little Shop of Lawyers

#9: Little Seymour and His Magic Plant

#8: How I Learned to Relax, and Love the Plant

#7: Got Blood?

#6: Fall of the House of Krelbourn

#5: Attack of the Vampire Vegetable

#4: Killer Tomatoes From Outer Space

#3: Ye Old Flower Shop

#2: Spatially Challenged Retail Establishment of Emotionally Disturbing Events

And the #1 alternate title for Little Shop of Horrors…

The Scottish Jew

The last produced much amusement. Though he did a New York Jew accent well, it was widely known that he was Scottish.

Joe then knelt, and bowed his head. The rest followed. Buffy and her friends, having been prepped for this did as well.

"We call to thee Zorath,

To once again give thanks for our

Speedy, Silent, Ninja Warriors,

a.k.a. The Crew,

For our focused, and exceptionally well hung,"

Oz chimed in with; "Band." While Joe said "Cast."

And our fearless leader El Presidente Don Deaniteego Von Schmucklit,

And Homer Simpson.

D'oh!"

Then, rising to their feet, they began to chant. "Bricka bracka fire cracker, Sis boom bah! Fill in the blank, fill in the blank RA RA RA!"

* * *

Buffy'd practiced many times, and was sure she was ready. At first she'd pulled to hard, then not hard enough, but she'd finally gotten a feel for the tension and the weight.

Mickey slipped his headset on. "Rogue Five standing by." he said. "Sound you up?"

"Rogue Two standing by." Christi, the sound girl said.

"Light's, you ready?"

"Rogue Three standing by." Ziggy, sitting next to Christi, confirmed.

"Spots?"

"Rogue Four and Rogue Six standing by." Matt confirmed for him and Armand.

"Okay folks we are at places. Rouge Leader, open up that house."

"Okay," Cordelia said, "How come you guys are all Rogue, and I'm Rouge?"

"We felt it was more appropriate." Mickey grinned. "You can change it if you like."

"No, I'll live." She opened the doors and people started filing in. She was also in charge of selling tickets, so she hurried back to the box, where a line had built up once again. She gave them programs with their tickets.

"I feel like one of the Spice Girls." she said, in reference to the headset.

"Wedge, Biggs, you there?"

"Me and Marty are here Mick." Izzy confirmed. "We're set on Stage Left."

After a few minutes, Mickey got confirmation from Cordelia that the house was closed.

"All right Cordy," Mickey said. "Come get in place for set changes. Ready in the pit?"

"Ready when you are." Mrs. Olney, the conductor said.

"Okay, Cue one, stand by. Mrs. Olney, rock out."

When the music started, Mickey nodded. "Cue one, go."

The lights went down.

_Oh my God,_ Willow thought, _This is really happening?_ She felt Miriam's reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"You can do it." she said. "You're gonna rock."

Willow took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah, I can do this."

The first act went without a hitch. Willow didn't miss a beat, the crew kicked ass, and the cast did as well. Finally it was time for intermission.

Fitz stood in front of the fan in the men's dressing room. "I am getting so trashed tonight." he grinned.

"Just don't be drunk tomorrow night during the performance." Joe admonished.

"Joe, I would never do that."

"Again." Ben smiled.

Andy walked up to the intercom and pushed the button. "So, you girls in the other room naked or what?"

After a moment's pause, Willow's voice came over the line. "Well wouldn't you like to know?"

Xander and the other's gaped. Eric pushed the comm button. "Willow are you possessed?"

Willow giggled uncontrollably. "I probably just gave Xander a heart attack." she said. "I can't believe I just did that!"

"So Ben," Dustin said, touching up his makeup, "What's going on between you and Nicole?"

"What?" Ben asked, barely restraining laughter.

"Yeah Ben," Fitz joined in, "I heard there was some Hanky Panky going on."

"You know," Eric said, "It doesn't matter what you say Ben, they're going to believe what they want to believe."

"Why answer at all then." That comment was greeted with many knowing and insinuating noises from the men.

"No seriously Ben," Talon asked, "Is anything going on?"

"No." Ben said. "We're just friends."

"Uh huh," Dan smiled, "He probably just couldn't get it up right Ben?"

"You know I have some Viagra if you need it." Andy offered, smiling.

"That doesn't surprise me in the least Andy." Ben retorted.

"Yeah well, you know what? You're a Poop Head!"

"Do you like scary movies?" a female voice came from the intercom.

"We're at places folks!" Mickey said from the self-same comm.

* * *

Joe backed into the door as Xander's voice taunted him from the speakers. "Shut up!" he shouted. "Shut-" Instead of opening as it should, the door, and it's frame fell away from him, crashing to the stage.

Andrea jumped back, shrieking as the set piece narrowly missed crushing her. Recovering quickly, she went on with the scene.

"Seymour!" she cried. "What's wrong?"

"That!" Joe said, pointing at the fallen door, struggling to keep the smile off his face. "And that!" he pointed to the plant.

Giles smiled. _Good show._ he thought. He wasn't sure he would have been able to cover that well. He'd ended up sitting next to Joyce Summers, and he could see that she was enjoying herself as well.

Xander had a nice voice, and from what Willow had told him, he thought that theater suited the boy. And Willow, he could barely believe that the girl on stage was the same hesitant, shy girl he knew.

Snyder grinned. He knew something would go wrong. He knew that Buffy Summers was on crew, now, how could he plant the blame for the falling door on her?

* * *

"Have you decided what to do for Crew Bow?" Buffy asked Cordelia.

"No." she answered. She still wasn't sure she wanted to be seen doing this.

* * *

"This is a joke right?" Xander said. Fortunately his mike was off. He was now wearing his bow shirt, a white T-Shirt with "Plant Voice" hastily scrawled on it in black permanent Marker.

Mickey just grinned. "You're cue's coming up."

* * *

"Watch yourself on your way home Andrea." Joe said. The cast party had ended hours earlier, and he, Andrea, Mickey and the other seniors had gathered at Denny's in celebration of the first performance of their final show at Sunnydale High.

"It's too bad we only get two nights this year." Mickey said at the table.

Ignoring the conversation behind him, Joe focused on Andrea. "We don't need to lose another like Theresa."

Andrea knew how Joe had felt about Theresa. In fact, pretty much the only person who hadn't known was Theresa herself.

"Don't worry Joe." she reassured him. "I've got my cross, squirt-gun filled with Holy Water, and a stake. I'm set. Besides, they can't get in my car unless I invite them."

Joe smiled. "All right, see you tomorrow."

"Yeah."

* * *

The man seemed to come out of nowhere. Andrea hit the brakes and swerved, but still hit him. She stopped the car and tried not to panic. She grabbed her cross and stuffed her squirt-gun and stake into her pocket. Just in case.

"Are you okay?" she asked, getting out.

"Fine." Angelus grinned, rising quickly.

Andrea gasped. He was obviously a Vampire, for one thing, she'd seen the Vamps that had briefly "visited" the late night rehearsal a couple days earlier. She hastily held the cross before her, and dug into her pocket for the squirt gun. She was too slow.

Angel knocked the cross from her hand and grabbed her throat. "Isn't it tragic?" he smiled.

to be continued...


	9. Closing Night

**Chapter 9: Closing Night**

"God dammit! Son of a-!"

Crash.

Buffy had been in school all day, training and basically hanging out, then had come to the auditorium to get ready for tonight. Only to find Willow hyperventilating in the pit, and Mickey standing guard at the door of the Wood room, with Joe shouting, and loudly breaking things inside. Mickey had told her it just wasn't safe for anyone else to be in there.

"This is nothing." he said. "There was nothing left intact when Theresa died."

"What?"

* * *

**A few moments earlier**

"But, but, but," Willow whimpered. Then she let out a Willow Whimper.

* * *

**Back to the present**

"Andrea's dead?"

"Fraid so." Ben said sadly. "So not only do we lose another good friend, but Willow has to go on for her."

"Do you think she can handle it?"

"Yes. But it's not up to me. The question is, does she think she can handle it?"

* * *

"We need to get out of this town." Joe said quietly, sitting in the costume loft, calming from his earlier rage.

"We are." Mickey reminded him. "All of us remember? We're all escaping to non-Hellmouth areas."

"I don't mean Run Away escape." Joe told him. "I mean James Bond escape. Where you come back and wipe out all the bad guys."

"Oh."

* * *

Willow took a deep breath and looked at herself in the mirror. She'd received pep talks from just about everyone in the cast and crew, even Cordelia had offered a vote of confidence.

"I can do this." she told herself. "I can."

* * *

The mood in Green Room was much more somber than it had been the previous night.

"Okay," Joe said. "You all know by now that Andrea is no longer with us. I now call for a moment of silence, after which, I want everyone who knew her, to tell a pleasant memory they have of her."

After the silence, and the memories, Joe spoke up again. "There's already been an addendum made to the program, so all that's left is this. Andrea gave this show her all, and I know she would want us to give our all tonight. So tonight's performance is dedicated to her. Let's do it."

* * *

Willow took a deep breath, and practiced the calming techniques that Mickey had taught her. She'd gotten through nearly the entire show, and now only one scene remained, not counting the finale.

"Oh my God!" she whispered. "I don't know how to get out of the plant!"

"There's nothing to it." Sam calmed her. "You just crawl towards the back. The plant crew will help you."

* * *

It was over. The Audience went wild as each of the actor's came on stage, Xander got the most applause of all, Willow got the second loudest ovation. It was one of the most gratifying feelings that Willow and Xander had ever felt.

"Is this why you do it?" Willow asked Joe, as they bowed.

"Part of the reason." he said. "But you don't really get this in the movies, which is what I want to do."

"How do you know you don't get this?"

"I've been a production assistant, and an extra."

"Oh, so that's what you did last summer."

"And the summer before that me and Mickey were in a Reenactment company. We reenacted Irish and Scottish battles. I even got to be William Wallace's understudy."

* * *

Joe leaped to the stage, the light's coming up on him. The cast party on closing night was always at the bronze. Mr. Dean had a deal with the manager so they had the place to themselves.

"To kick off tonight's festivities," he said. "I'd like you all to welcome back to Sunnydale, Graduate of our dear old Sunnydale High, and now a Music Performance major at UCLA, Chris "Fiddler" Sexton!"

Buffy and her friends applauded politely, though they didn't know Chris. He turned out to be a very tall skinny man with glasses. He whipped out a violin and looked expectedly at Joe.

Joe obliged by singing. "The Devil Went Down to Georgia..." Everyone was impressed by Chris' skill on the Violin.

Oz, Joe and Mickey played a few songs while others danced. Then Joe went to Oz and said. "There's a young girl who needs to be danced with. Take care of it." Oz smiled. He left the stage and extended his hand to Willow. Joe played DJ, choosing songs from the huge collection of CD's.

Mickey tapped him on the shoulder while a techno song played. He held up a cd and pointed to Buffy. "There's a girl who looks like she needs to be cheered up."

Buffy sighed. Willow and Oz, Xander and Cordelia, and a hundred other couples. "Sulk." she sighed again.

"Buffy." Joe said, coming up to the table.

"Joe." Buffy acknowledged.

"Dance?" Joe grinned, continuing the theme of single words.

Buffy sighed again. "Why not."

"Thanks for the enthusiasm." Joe smiled. He nodded to the stage.

"All right," Mickey said. "Now let's have some real dance music." He slipped in the CD he and Joe had made of their favorite big band.

"Oh my God!" Buffy was not sure whether she was surprised or not. She hadn't done swing dancing since the mandatory dance class in L.A. In which she'd gotten an A. It turned out to be like riding a bike. Joe proved to be a skilled dance partner, and in the midst of the dance, she forgot to be unhappy.

"Ha." Joe grinned. "I knew I could make you smile."

The End


End file.
